Dad and I just finished a Hamlet fest. We started with Lawrence Oliver's 1947-8 movie. Then we watched Kevin Klines version. Then Mel Gibson. Then BBC with Dereck Jacobi. Then Kenneth Branaugh. Then Rosencranz and Guildenstern are dead by Tom Stoppard. Then Ethan Hawke. At the same time reading Harold Blooms critique. Its been wonderful.
Today Mom and I had a pedicure and a manicure. The young girl who did me was competent but surly. I asked her if this is what she would like to do for a career. No, she is going to study next year. What are you going to study? Mortuary Science.
Thursday, 31 May 2007
More Shavuot (continued from following)
Dressed in white, we started the evening service. Reb Zalman in full Chasidic gear, fur hat, black coat with red threads...Each day of the week blessed with the sefira of that day. We went up to be blessed depending on the day of our birth. Tuesday was Tiferet.
50 can hold all other numbers. It represents one-ness.
Teaching: we said at the same time: We will do and we will listen and also, mountain is held over our heads so we will accept. Well, which one is it?? It is both. It is the same. The stuff we dont get yet is the mountain over our heads.
Its 10pm when the service finishes. There are professional musicians at this retreat, opera singers, jazz pianist, composers, drummers, flutists, guitar... They jam together for an hour, dancing, incredible music...
11pm and the all night study begins with Rabbi David Ingber teaching a tract of Talmud. Eruvin13b. We pair off and read it. It is incomprehensible. Through discussion, symbols, teachings, analysis...it slowly becomes comprehensible and even wonderful.
Coffee break
Now its 1am. A visualization exercise. We are leaving our home and can take only a small bag on a stick. We are walking somewhere, we dont know where. We have to get rid of something. What do we take out? I took off my shoes and laughed. We continue. We have to get rid of more and more things, one at a time. What are we taking out?? We have seven more things left. One at a time we get rid of them til we only have one more thing left. What is the one last thing you have? I had a bottle of water. I was completely naked by this point. We had to get rid of that last thing. I didnt want to get rid of the water. I realized the one thing I was afraid of was thirst. I finally threw away the bottle with great difficulty but then felt this great sense of freedom. I had absolutely nothing and it felt great. We approach the mountain. What is my Torah? Answer as clear as anything: I will quench your thirst.
Now its 2am. A study of the Book of Ruth with Rabbi Jill Hammer. An absolutely beautiful translation and interpretation by her. And just gorgeous to be listening to a story that is at once very familiar and also new. Discover that the name Ruth means to quench.
Now its 3:30am. A teaching by Reb Zalmans son about the Baal Shem Tov and King David who died on Shavuot. I am unable to concentrate at this point.
Now its nearly dawn. Reb Zalman comes to lead the morning service. There is mist rising from the lake. I have to go outside...get some air...stay awake...
Morning meditation: instead of concentrating on what feels tense or not right , what is painful in your body, notice what feels good and right. What is alive and ok.
The rest...healing service...name changes. My Hebrew name is now Neshama. Soul, spirit, breath.
Yiskor service. Communing with our dead. Prayers with Tallit over our heads. Then out to the Lake. Nanny, Grampa, Jocky and Joyce were there. Had a great visit with them all.
Missed a couple of sessions due to not paying attention to schedule changes.
Got some DVDs of Zalman teaching to share in NZ.
Exhausted.
Got a cold.
50 can hold all other numbers. It represents one-ness.
Teaching: we said at the same time: We will do and we will listen and also, mountain is held over our heads so we will accept. Well, which one is it?? It is both. It is the same. The stuff we dont get yet is the mountain over our heads.
Its 10pm when the service finishes. There are professional musicians at this retreat, opera singers, jazz pianist, composers, drummers, flutists, guitar... They jam together for an hour, dancing, incredible music...
11pm and the all night study begins with Rabbi David Ingber teaching a tract of Talmud. Eruvin13b. We pair off and read it. It is incomprehensible. Through discussion, symbols, teachings, analysis...it slowly becomes comprehensible and even wonderful.
Coffee break
Now its 1am. A visualization exercise. We are leaving our home and can take only a small bag on a stick. We are walking somewhere, we dont know where. We have to get rid of something. What do we take out? I took off my shoes and laughed. We continue. We have to get rid of more and more things, one at a time. What are we taking out?? We have seven more things left. One at a time we get rid of them til we only have one more thing left. What is the one last thing you have? I had a bottle of water. I was completely naked by this point. We had to get rid of that last thing. I didnt want to get rid of the water. I realized the one thing I was afraid of was thirst. I finally threw away the bottle with great difficulty but then felt this great sense of freedom. I had absolutely nothing and it felt great. We approach the mountain. What is my Torah? Answer as clear as anything: I will quench your thirst.
Now its 2am. A study of the Book of Ruth with Rabbi Jill Hammer. An absolutely beautiful translation and interpretation by her. And just gorgeous to be listening to a story that is at once very familiar and also new. Discover that the name Ruth means to quench.
Now its 3:30am. A teaching by Reb Zalmans son about the Baal Shem Tov and King David who died on Shavuot. I am unable to concentrate at this point.
Now its nearly dawn. Reb Zalman comes to lead the morning service. There is mist rising from the lake. I have to go outside...get some air...stay awake...
Morning meditation: instead of concentrating on what feels tense or not right , what is painful in your body, notice what feels good and right. What is alive and ok.
The rest...healing service...name changes. My Hebrew name is now Neshama. Soul, spirit, breath.
Yiskor service. Communing with our dead. Prayers with Tallit over our heads. Then out to the Lake. Nanny, Grampa, Jocky and Joyce were there. Had a great visit with them all.
Missed a couple of sessions due to not paying attention to schedule changes.
Got some DVDs of Zalman teaching to share in NZ.
Exhausted.
Got a cold.
Shavuot Retreat
Just spent a week at the Isabella Freedman Jewish Retreat Center on an Elat Chayyim study week with Reb Zalman Schater Shalomi. We were preparing for the festival of Shavuot. A beautiful evening service outside, listening to crickets and frogs, singing our hearts out. Led by David Ingber. Just some notes and ramblings for here:
If you take on someone elses Torah, it doesnt work for you. How do you find your real teacher? It doesnt sound new to you: I knew that! What is the Torah that is coming down today? What are the issues that you need revelation this year? A prayer: I make myself soft and take on the shape You give me. Waiting to let go of my shtick so I can become who you want me to be. Our organs have to be in community with each other. And each organ needs to be itself in order to collaborate with each other. We are one body with different people in it. The organism needs differences. We cant all be the heart or the liver or the brain. The rings of the past in a tree are the old Torah. The growing edge, the cambium layer, is the Torah that will help me be the part that I am supposed to be. (Tree in YB) I will follow through, this is what I intend to do. If it restores your soul, it is good for you. How does the Torah become transformative? HOw do we upgrade the software? HOw do we make more sense of our world using Toraitic language? Its our own thing AND it is part of something else. AND, VAV. The mitzvot should be transformative. They are to refine us. SO we can become better and higher. Any time you are not learning Torah you are destroying Torah. Try 15 minutes of being a Tzaddick. What would you have to do? Place yourself in the presence of the Living God. The struggle between mitzvot and reality is important. Three things support the world: Torah (check) Good deeds (check) Avodah: what is that?? OUr prayer life. Chesbon ha nefesh, open and soft. Change your reality map to where your ideals are. Prayer: Impress me with the reality map I should have.
Psycho-semitic
Talked about tzedaka groups, communities, all people contributing to one area. How about the York Bay residents association having a special charitable fund or goal??
Counting the Omer, We begin with barley and end with a loaf of bread.
WHEn the Messiah comes, we will be able to read the white letters of the Torah. The female voice.
Person at lunch told me: Only 20% of the people left Egypt. 80% stayed behind in slavery.
Erev Shavuot: Walk in the woods, (tics?) Mikvah in lake
If you take on someone elses Torah, it doesnt work for you. How do you find your real teacher? It doesnt sound new to you: I knew that! What is the Torah that is coming down today? What are the issues that you need revelation this year? A prayer: I make myself soft and take on the shape You give me. Waiting to let go of my shtick so I can become who you want me to be. Our organs have to be in community with each other. And each organ needs to be itself in order to collaborate with each other. We are one body with different people in it. The organism needs differences. We cant all be the heart or the liver or the brain. The rings of the past in a tree are the old Torah. The growing edge, the cambium layer, is the Torah that will help me be the part that I am supposed to be. (Tree in YB) I will follow through, this is what I intend to do. If it restores your soul, it is good for you. How does the Torah become transformative? HOw do we upgrade the software? HOw do we make more sense of our world using Toraitic language? Its our own thing AND it is part of something else. AND, VAV. The mitzvot should be transformative. They are to refine us. SO we can become better and higher. Any time you are not learning Torah you are destroying Torah. Try 15 minutes of being a Tzaddick. What would you have to do? Place yourself in the presence of the Living God. The struggle between mitzvot and reality is important. Three things support the world: Torah (check) Good deeds (check) Avodah: what is that?? OUr prayer life. Chesbon ha nefesh, open and soft. Change your reality map to where your ideals are. Prayer: Impress me with the reality map I should have.
Psycho-semitic
Talked about tzedaka groups, communities, all people contributing to one area. How about the York Bay residents association having a special charitable fund or goal??
Counting the Omer, We begin with barley and end with a loaf of bread.
WHEn the Messiah comes, we will be able to read the white letters of the Torah. The female voice.
Person at lunch told me: Only 20% of the people left Egypt. 80% stayed behind in slavery.
Erev Shavuot: Walk in the woods, (tics?) Mikvah in lake
Thursday, 17 May 2007
Beautiful Upstate
This past weekend I went up to Paradox Lake with Betsy and Hal, Bud and Judith and Betsys son Ian. A beautiful house on a beautiful lake. Betsy decorated the house in true Adirondack style, with white birch furnature with the bark still on it, a staircase with branches on the banister, an old stone fireplace, an old log cabin in the woods by the lake, but with three full bathrooms, garbage compactor, all the mod cons. Walking, smoking, drinking, dancing, singing, hysterical laughing...great fun. Heaps of food from Hal, (the meat man)'s, warehouse, Betsys famous crazy delicious highly alcoholic cocktails, good stuff. We went for a long walk through the woods, forgot how full of life the Adirondack woods are. We saw a beaver dam, snakes, frogs, salamanders mating (Ian was with us and noticed all the little things like the salamanders) Deer and Bud pointed out evidence of Bears. Found a spectacular waterfall close to where Betsy lives. Next morning I walked there with Bud and stood under the waterfall...delicious!!! A breakfast of green pepper and spinach omelet and Chocolate trifle (why stop the decadence now??) A walk up Severence Hill for great views of Scroon Lake and Paradox Lake. The woods in a unique light due to the tops of the trees still bare, letting in the sunlight, while the bottoms of the trees had these fresh new delicate light green leaves. Crisp cold spring air. Back for a bar b que lunch (Hals hamburgers, salad, Betsys macaroni and cheese, more chocolate trifle...oy) Yummy well water to drink. And home. Overindulgence to the MAX.
A good antidote was seeing the film "Into Great Silence" A three hour film watching monks walk, pray, eat...the film was silent except for occational chanting. Following is a review from the New York Times:
"The Carthusian monks who are the subjects of Philip Gröning’s documentary “Into Great Silence” do not, as the film’s title suggests, have a great deal to say. Living in a light-filled stone charterhouse (as the order’s monasteries are called) in a picturesque valley in the French Alps, they bind themselves to a vow not of literal silence but of extreme reticence. They pray and sing aloud, alone and together, and once a week the elders take an outdoor stroll during which some chatting is permitted. The idea of removing yourself entirely from the world is a radical one, and Mr. Gröning approaches it with fascination and a measure of awe. You surrender to “Into Great Silence” as you would to a piece of music, noting the repetitions and variations, encountering surprises just when you think you’ve figured out the pattern. By the end, what you have learned is impossible to sum up, but your sense of the world is nonetheless perceptibly altered."
Saw The Crucible by Arthur Miller at Capital Rep. Saw the Tulips at Washington Park in Albany. Sunday off to Connecticut for the Shavuot retreat with Reb Zalman.
A good antidote was seeing the film "Into Great Silence" A three hour film watching monks walk, pray, eat...the film was silent except for occational chanting. Following is a review from the New York Times:
"The Carthusian monks who are the subjects of Philip Gröning’s documentary “Into Great Silence” do not, as the film’s title suggests, have a great deal to say. Living in a light-filled stone charterhouse (as the order’s monasteries are called) in a picturesque valley in the French Alps, they bind themselves to a vow not of literal silence but of extreme reticence. They pray and sing aloud, alone and together, and once a week the elders take an outdoor stroll during which some chatting is permitted. The idea of removing yourself entirely from the world is a radical one, and Mr. Gröning approaches it with fascination and a measure of awe. You surrender to “Into Great Silence” as you would to a piece of music, noting the repetitions and variations, encountering surprises just when you think you’ve figured out the pattern. By the end, what you have learned is impossible to sum up, but your sense of the world is nonetheless perceptibly altered."
Saw The Crucible by Arthur Miller at Capital Rep. Saw the Tulips at Washington Park in Albany. Sunday off to Connecticut for the Shavuot retreat with Reb Zalman.
Tuesday, 8 May 2007
more from New York
Last week went to see the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater at Proctors Theatre in Schenectady. What an extraordinary event. Ive seen a lot of dance and have never seen anything like this. Classically trained Black dancers, doing modern, ballet, jazz, with distinctly black american movements. Wonderful. Beautiful. The highlight was a piece called Revelations, apparently Aileys masterpiece. Its set to spirituals and gospel music. Intense, very very sexy, deeply emotional, passionate, gorgeous. I got the CD so I can remember it over and over. Another piece was Shining Star which was danced with wild sexual energy to Earth Wind and Fire. Took the breath away really. The first part called The River was to music by Duke Ellington. Jazzy, moody, lovely. What a night. So original, so pure. So American, so Black.
A funny part of the evening was getting there with Betsy. She picked me up in her outrageously grotesque SUV. I get in the car and she pushes a button on the dashboard. A voice says: "Hello Mrs. Forsland, how can I help you?" Betsy says she needs directions. The Voice says: "where would you like to go?" Betsy says: The Proctors theatre in Schenectady. Suddenly a screen appears on the dashboard with a map and our car on the map. The voice says: "go to the end of the street you are on and turn right onto main street" and we see our car moving along the map as we drive. The voice continues to guide us along: "continue for 3 miles then turn left on ROute 20". Every few minutes the voice assures us we are on the right road and in a mile we will have to turn, it comes on again to tell us that our turn is coming up in a half mile, quarter mile, 50 yards, turn now. We had no idea where we were and the voice just guided us gently to right outside the theatre. Ah. America.
These last few days I have been staying at my brothers place as he is away at a conference and my sister in law was on a cruise. I was keeping my 16 year old niece Abby company. She is a synchronized swimmer. I went to practices (three hour practices four times a week) and a "meet" where local clubs compete. What a strange and funny and fun sport. Its like cheerleading competitions but in the water and you have to hold your breath. Great music, strong and graceful swimmers, sparkly costumes. At the meet there was this funny thing called a gel station. This is where the swimmers (all girls) go to get gelled up. It is a gelatine mixture, very thick, that keeps their hair in place in the water. The best part of all was that there are all body types included. There were some pretty big and yes pretty fat girls swimming and it was just fine. They were as strong and graceful and did as well as the thin ones. There was no difference in the routines or the medals or anything. That was very refreshing for a sport that is now in the Olympics. Some of these girls and maybe Abby, are Olympic material. What a new and weird thing to do, huh?
Next week going to see The Crucible, hear Yitzhak Perlman, and visit Paradox Lake.
Til then...
A funny part of the evening was getting there with Betsy. She picked me up in her outrageously grotesque SUV. I get in the car and she pushes a button on the dashboard. A voice says: "Hello Mrs. Forsland, how can I help you?" Betsy says she needs directions. The Voice says: "where would you like to go?" Betsy says: The Proctors theatre in Schenectady. Suddenly a screen appears on the dashboard with a map and our car on the map. The voice says: "go to the end of the street you are on and turn right onto main street" and we see our car moving along the map as we drive. The voice continues to guide us along: "continue for 3 miles then turn left on ROute 20". Every few minutes the voice assures us we are on the right road and in a mile we will have to turn, it comes on again to tell us that our turn is coming up in a half mile, quarter mile, 50 yards, turn now. We had no idea where we were and the voice just guided us gently to right outside the theatre. Ah. America.
These last few days I have been staying at my brothers place as he is away at a conference and my sister in law was on a cruise. I was keeping my 16 year old niece Abby company. She is a synchronized swimmer. I went to practices (three hour practices four times a week) and a "meet" where local clubs compete. What a strange and funny and fun sport. Its like cheerleading competitions but in the water and you have to hold your breath. Great music, strong and graceful swimmers, sparkly costumes. At the meet there was this funny thing called a gel station. This is where the swimmers (all girls) go to get gelled up. It is a gelatine mixture, very thick, that keeps their hair in place in the water. The best part of all was that there are all body types included. There were some pretty big and yes pretty fat girls swimming and it was just fine. They were as strong and graceful and did as well as the thin ones. There was no difference in the routines or the medals or anything. That was very refreshing for a sport that is now in the Olympics. Some of these girls and maybe Abby, are Olympic material. What a new and weird thing to do, huh?
Next week going to see The Crucible, hear Yitzhak Perlman, and visit Paradox Lake.
Til then...
