More Shavuot (continued from following)

Dressed in white, we started the evening service. Reb Zalman in full Chasidic gear, fur hat, black coat with red threads...Each day of the week blessed with the sefira of that day. We went up to be blessed depending on the day of our birth. Tuesday was Tiferet.
50 can hold all other numbers. It represents one-ness.

Teaching: we said at the same time: We will do and we will listen and also, mountain is held over our heads so we will accept. Well, which one is it?? It is both. It is the same. The stuff we dont get yet is the mountain over our heads.

Its 10pm when the service finishes. There are professional musicians at this retreat, opera singers, jazz pianist, composers, drummers, flutists, guitar... They jam together for an hour, dancing, incredible music...

11pm and the all night study begins with Rabbi David Ingber teaching a tract of Talmud. Eruvin13b. We pair off and read it. It is incomprehensible. Through discussion, symbols, teachings, analysis...it slowly becomes comprehensible and even wonderful.

Coffee break

Now its 1am. A visualization exercise. We are leaving our home and can take only a small bag on a stick. We are walking somewhere, we dont know where. We have to get rid of something. What do we take out? I took off my shoes and laughed. We continue. We have to get rid of more and more things, one at a time. What are we taking out?? We have seven more things left. One at a time we get rid of them til we only have one more thing left. What is the one last thing you have? I had a bottle of water. I was completely naked by this point. We had to get rid of that last thing. I didnt want to get rid of the water. I realized the one thing I was afraid of was thirst. I finally threw away the bottle with great difficulty but then felt this great sense of freedom. I had absolutely nothing and it felt great. We approach the mountain. What is my Torah? Answer as clear as anything: I will quench your thirst.

Now its 2am. A study of the Book of Ruth with Rabbi Jill Hammer. An absolutely beautiful translation and interpretation by her. And just gorgeous to be listening to a story that is at once very familiar and also new. Discover that the name Ruth means to quench.

Now its 3:30am. A teaching by Reb Zalmans son about the Baal Shem Tov and King David who died on Shavuot. I am unable to concentrate at this point.

Now its nearly dawn. Reb Zalman comes to lead the morning service. There is mist rising from the lake. I have to go outside...get some air...stay awake...
Morning meditation: instead of concentrating on what feels tense or not right , what is painful in your body, notice what feels good and right. What is alive and ok.

The rest...healing service...name changes. My Hebrew name is now Neshama. Soul, spirit, breath.
Yiskor service. Communing with our dead. Prayers with Tallit over our heads. Then out to the Lake. Nanny, Grampa, Jocky and Joyce were there. Had a great visit with them all.
Missed a couple of sessions due to not paying attention to schedule changes.
Got some DVDs of Zalman teaching to share in NZ.
Exhausted.
Got a cold.